Why New Year’s Resolutions Might Be Holding You Back—and What to Do Instead

Every year, millions set resolutions, yet studies show most are abandoned by February. So why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

Why do we follow others in thinking this trend is good for us, when in reality its detrimental to not only our habits but our future? It gives us no room for change, no habit tracker, no tips to help integrate a new habit or how to get rid of an old one. Our lives don’t change just because out loud we say ‘I want to loose weight’ or ‘I want to get organized more’ or ‘I want to save money.’ I wish it was that easy.

Now you might be saying ‘Alex, you’re being dramatic. There’s no way its detrimental for our future.’ And I would like to disagree. Here’s why…

First of all, hello! I’m Alex if you don’t know me - and I’m going on my 6th year as a Personal Trainer and Habit Coach. I’m trained in helping people dismantle unhealthy habits and create long lasting, healthy habits to not only feel good on the outside but in the mind. I 110% believe confidence is a choice, and you have the opportunity from the inside to change your life, not just the outside.

So, I’m going to explain the deep root of confidence and how it can affect us from something as simple as breaking a resolution or on a more positive note, making one choice to do something 1% better that day.

When we consistently let ourselves down, it creates a ripple effect, impacting our self-belief and how we approach challenges in other areas of life. Confidence isn’t just about big achievements; or even looks for that matter(!!!!). It’s built on the small, everyday promises we keep to ourselves. And when we fail to follow through, it can feel like we're losing trust in our own ability to succeed, making it even harder to push forward with new goals.

Resolutions usually set us up to fail, leaving us feeling less confident and trapped in a frustrating cycle of giving up. Even if you don’t think of it that deeply, it’s ingrained in our subconscious. Breaking those promises chips away at our confidence and affects other areas of our lives—making it harder to trust ourselves, stay motivated, or even make progress on other goals.

So, with that, let’s start small.

The Power of Small Changes Over Big Resolutions

Now, I get it — we all want to make huge changes, especially when the new year feels like a fresh start. But what if I told you that small changes could be the key to lasting transformation? Instead of overwhelming yourself with an entire year's worth of huge resolutions, try focusing on one small change a day. Just 1% better. Every single day.

This is where confidence comes into play. Confidence isn’t just about big achievements or big wins — it’s built on the small, everyday promises we keep to ourselves. Every time you follow through on a commitment, even something as simple as drinking a glass of water before your coffee or taking 3 deep breaths before starting work, you’re proving to yourself that you can trust your own word. Over time, these small actions create a ripple effect, building a stronger foundation of self-belief.

On the flip side, when we break those promises — like skipping the workout we swore we’d do or abandoning our 'I’ll wake up early' resolution after a week — it starts to chip away at our confidence. Subconsciously, we begin to doubt ourselves. This doesn’t just affect that one goal; it spills over into other areas of life, making it harder to stay motivated and push forward.

But here’s the good news: building confidence is completely in your control. You don’t need to move mountains to feel good about yourself. Start small. Choose one thing you can do today to be 1% better than yesterday. Turn the shower cold for the last 30 seconds, or eat your meal in silence instead of scrolling on your phone. These small, intentional acts remind you that you are in control, and that’s where real confidence comes from.

Reflecting on the Past Year: A Key to Building Confidence

Before we rush into setting goals for the new year, let’s take a moment to reflect. This isn't about being stuck in the past, but instead, about understanding it in order to move forward. Take some time to think about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful moments of the last year. What did you accomplish, even if it felt small? What lessons did you learn from your struggles?

It’s easy to focus only on the failures or the things that didn’t go right. But if you really look closely, you’ll see small achievements, shifts, and moments of growth that you may have overlooked in the moment. These moments are what help build confidence in the present — and that’s the fuel you need to step into the new year feeling empowered and ready to set intentions that will actually stick.

By acknowledging your achievements, you create a sense of momentum. You’ve already proven to yourself that you can achieve things. Whether you managed to stick to a workout routine, started journaling, or simply found more moments of peace — these are wins that matter. Recognizing them helps you enter the new year with a positive mindset, making it easier to set meaningful goals that align with your true self

Setting Goals That Stick: Moving Away from Resolutions

Okay, let’s get into the good stuff.

Let’s focus on building a system that works for you.

Your reminder here that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT and EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. Especially in a society heavily influenced by the internet - you have no idea what Sarah went through behind the scenes to loose those 70lbs or what John did to build his dream career. You don’t know their struggles, the grit, the challenges or the setbacks.

Reminder for you to be easy on yourself, but to also make these promises to you - no one else. By setting the foundation from a place of love and dedication to bettering yourself, the better the chances at consistency in new habits.

So that’s why the second step after reflecting is…

Taking a Moment for Stillness and Visualization

After reflecting on the past year and acknowledging your wins, the next step is to pause. Take a moment for stillness. This is where meditation or mindfulness comes in to help you connect deeply with your vision for the future.

Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. Picture yourself a year from now. Then two years. Five years. Even ten years down the road. Imagine the life you want to live. What does it look like? Where are you? How do you feel? What have you achieved, and who are you surrounded by?

This exercise isn’t just about dreaming—it’s about feeling that future. Putting yourself in that moment helps your brain connect with the possibilities ahead, making the vision feel more real and attainable.

Science backs this up: our brains are wired to respond to emotions, often more so than logic or reasoning. When you genuinely feel excitement, joy, or pride about your goals, your brain starts to believe that they are already within reach, which can have a profound impact on your motivation and behavior.

This practice not only boosts motivation but also helps you align your goals with your deeper passions and desires. Manifesting your future starts here: by truly believing in the life you want and mentally stepping into it before it happens.

Map Your Life Backwards: Create a Step-by-Step Vision

Almost there! Now that you have a clear picture of your future, it’s time to break it down. Think of your long-term vision like a destination. If you want to get there, you need a map with clear steps to follow.

Start with that future life you just envisioned. Write it out in detail—what does it look like? Now, work your way backwards. What would need to happen right before that moment to make it possible? What steps would you have to take in the years leading up to it? Keep breaking it down into smaller and smaller steps until you reach the present moment.

This exercise might feel like reverse engineering your dreams, and that’s exactly what it is. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what you need to do today, tomorrow, and in the months ahead to align your habits with the future you want. This structure not only makes your goals more tangible but also helps you prioritize the actions that really matter.

Align Your Goals with Your Vision

We’ve made it! Let’s finish strong.

With your map laid out, you can now set specific, actionable goals that align with your long-term vision. This is the step where we dive into SMART goals—goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. When your goals are rooted in the life you want to create, they stop feeling like chores and start feeling like exciting steps toward your dream future.

some examples:

Bad Example #1: "I want to lose weight."

Why it’s bad: This is vague, with no specific plan, timeline, or way to measure success. It doesn’t give you a roadmap or structure to follow.

SMART Alternative:
Specific: I will lose 10 pounds.
Measurable: I will track my progress by weighing myself weekly.
Achievable: I will do this by exercising for 30 minutes, five days a week, and sticking to a balanced meal plan with a caloric deficit.
Relevant: Losing 10 pounds will improve my health and energy levels.
Time-bound: I will achieve this within three months.

Bad Example #2: "I want to save money."

Why it’s bad: It lacks focus and leaves you without a clear understanding of how or why you’re saving.

SMART Alternative:
Specific: I will save $5,000 this year.
Measurable: I will save $416 per month by cutting unnecessary expenses and setting up automatic transfers to my savings account.
Achievable: I will achieve this by canceling unused subscriptions, eating out only once a week, and setting a budget.
Relevant: Saving $5,000 will allow me to start building my emergency fund or pay off debt.
Time-bound: I will have the full amount saved by December 31.

Conclusion: Keeping the Momentum Alive

Sticking to your goals is all about keeping them alive in your everyday life. Try to surround yourself with reminders that keep you focused and inspired.

Write your goals where you’ll see them often—on sticky notes on your mirror, as the background on your phone, etc. I even like to follow people on IG that inspire me instead of make me feel like sh*t.

Share your goals with friends or family. Knowing someone else is cheering you on (or ready to ask about your progress) can make a huge difference when motivation dips, AND even more bonus points is having a friend with similar goals and having an accountability buddy!

Momentum is built through consistency, not perfection. Remember, this journey is about progress, not an all-or-nothing mindset. Reflect on your progress regularly, celebrate small wins, and adjust as needed. Each step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to the vision you’ve created for yourself.

This year, let’s move beyond empty resolutions and focus on meaningful habits that align with the life you truly want to live. You have the power to make lasting change—one small, intentional choice at a time.

Are you ready?